Dealing with the stress of co-worker loss

We are all too painfully aware of the challenges facing friends and family who are enduring the frightening impact of job losses.When that lost job was your co-worker’s, it also initiates a barrage of confusing, emotional reactions.

When witnessing a co-worker losing his or her job, your own reaction is likely to be a mixture of fear, sadness and relief. If you’re like most of us, the sense of relief that comes from thinking, “Thank goodness it wasn’t me!” also makes you feel selfish and ashamed. Those left behind at work often report that they feel as if they have betrayed their friends and let down the workplace team simply because they have not lost their own jobs.

Management can be equally conflicted and often feel even more at risk in relation to their job security. They may be exhausted after spending sleepless nights in anticipation of letting down employees that desperately need their jobs and who have done nothing to deserve their termination. It is a topsy-turvy time and stability is hard to come by.

Acknowledging your feelings and then encouraging yourself to focus on the positive elements and the mission of your job at hand can be a challenge, to say the least.

The following are a few key strategies that can help us all cope with these workplace stresses.

• Take a moment to write down what you appreciate about your company/workplace. Even if it is the morning sunshine streaming through the window in the hallway, it is worth noting. Remind yourself of three or four good things from the day just before you go to sleep. Have a pad of paper by your bed so that you can jot down any thoughts or intentions that might wake you up in the night. For most of us, once we have written something down, we are generally able to let it go from our mind. This old habit can be quite handy.

• Spend time talking about your resentful feelings with someone who is not in your workplace. Someone outside your organization is less likely to form an angry alliance with you. Blame and outrage can become destructive factors in your life, which may contaminate future events. Learn to accept the situation and be supportive of yourself and others. It is a far more helpful direction to go in and will enhance your life skills overall.

• Focus on what you can do, rather than what makes you feel helpless. Make a point of bonding with others through expressing your appreciation to them. The intense feelings of helplessness that will have affected all of your co-workers can be shared in the context of caring, rather than in the context of anger that drains energy in the long run.

• Value one another. This has been the saving grace of disasters throughout the centuries. Where there is sharing and goodwill, there is development of long-term community support and friendships. Trusting in one another—and in life itself—is important to our sense of well-being, no matter how harsh the work environment may become. Make your workplace the best it can be while you are there. You will feel better and more in control of your life if you do.

• Value fun! Play is one of the best stress-buster tools we have. If you are anxious about losing your position, then keep your fun simple. Play Frisbee or catch, dance, have picnics by the river, go out for potluck suppers and play card games with neighbours and friends. Include some creative activities such as drawing, painting, playing an instrument or writing poetry. Become an expert on making good times and good memories happen—in spite of the pressures of financial insecurity.

• Recognize that this is a time of grieving and fear. It is normal to experience the anger, blame, guilt and fear associated with grief as you move toward increasing acceptance of the situation. Some people attempt to cope by using alcohol, drugs or gambling—all of which make matters worse. Try to catch yourself if you are leaning toward compensating in any seriously unhealthy way. Chocolates and massages are worth enjoying, but drinking yourself into further difficulties is not. If you see you need help, access it. There is counselling available that could make a huge difference to how you handle stress.

And, finally, this is a time when your appreciation of the little things in life will pay off in decreased anxiety levels. Stress is something you will need to learn how to reduce if you are to enjoy your days and handle the challenges as they continue to come along.

Mary Goossen-Scott is a Certified Trauma Specialist with extensive training in family and individual stress counselling. She practises in Oshawa with an additional office in Port Hope, Ontario. You can reach her at 905.725.9287 or send an email to info@stressrecovery.ca.

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